Surprise! There’s not one.
Making friends as an adult sucks. It’s hard.
I grew up as an Air Force brat, which don’t get me wrong, had amazing benefits. World travel, learning new languages and cultures. But every 2 to 4 years, you packed up and left everything you knew.
I’m not even close with my family. I didn’t grow up with my cousins. While I live in the same city my mom’s family does, I didn’t grow up here. This often leaves me out of the loop.
I’ve always been the one on the outside. Sure, I had friends, but I never quite fit in. As an adult, not much has changed. Perhaps, it’s worse.
Is it still high school?
Cliques are everywhere. I always feel like an intruder. Occasionally, someone feels sorry for me, invited me in, but it doesn’t last. There’s no room for me.
I’m not putting this out there for people to feel sorry for me. I think people need to understand.
Often, introverts can come across as stuck up or snobs. Truth is, we are terrified. For many of us, it’s excruciating to put ourselves out there. Sometimes we’ve just been burned one time too many.
For me, I’m just tired. Tired of being the consistent, always there you friend. Why? Because it’s all one sided. So, several years ago, I just stopped. That’s when the truth came out.
When I stopped being useful and needed someone to just be there for me, I realized, no one was. It hurt. A lot.
So I built this big wall that keeps people out.
Social Media- mixed feelings.
On Facebook you may have 100s even thousands of “Friends”. But lets be honest, it’s more like acquaintances and family. People post pictures of themselves and their friends having fun. But this is just a quick snap shot in time. It doesn’t describe the true nature of their relationship. They can have fun together, but can they rely on each other? There are no pictures in the hard times. In my mind, a true friend doesn’t need to post on Facebook when you are having a hard time or a loss.
They are calling you or sitting beside you.
On the other hand, there are people you connect with online that can be a better friend to you than someone you’ve known in person for years.
It’s already hard for me, as I have social anxiety disorder. Sometimes, it doesn’t bother me a bit. I have a husband who I adore. But then, there are times I want to do something he’s just not interested in. Or I need a different perspective. Or I just want to have a friend that likes me.
I avoid situations where I know I will feel left out. Unfortunately, it affects my husband. He turns down many invitations to bbqs, parties, outings because I will be uncomfortable. There are times I try. I go, and then I try to stay out of everyone’s way.
I hate that my struggles means my husband misses out on having fun.
Be a friend.
If you are nothing like me, you are fortunate. So be a light in a dark world. Look beyond your friend group. Is there someone that may need a friend? Maybe someone that needs YOU to offer the hand of friendship? You never know what amazing person is lurking behind that quiet demeanor.
There’s someone out there that NEEDS you as a friend. I’m pretty sure, you’ll find that you needed them too.